Rant.

Sometimes I feel like life is getting better.

Life is getting happier, richer, fuller.

Sometimes I think that it's all going to be okay again as soon as I just get through this one last, massive storm.

I see the calm, I feel the calm, I live in calm.

Peace and quiet.

Then I see another storm coming.

I feel like lately this process is speeding up more and more. Storm after storm after storm with less peace time in between them.

What with having two older sisters who are struggling to get out and live on their own for the first time and me being almost ready to graduate from high school all on top of my family not being the most well off as far as money is concerned (blech ...we'll not talk about that here. I hear too much about it everywhere else in life). It's tough at times. And sometimes I think to myself, "Why couldn't I have just been born into a normal family? One that has good family-like habits, like having (as cheesy as it is) family game nights, or at least one that goes on semi-annual family vacations?"

Then I remind myself that there was a time that my family was happy. We went to the beach together, played t-ball in the back yard, grew stuff in our garden, did good, happy, typical family stuff. But most of all we did everything together, and we enjoyed it.

Now our lives consist of something very different.

My parents sit in the loft using their computers day in and day out, and when they're not there, they're downstairs bickering with each other. Or worse, one of my sisters. My oldest sister is now a workaholic who thinks that we hate her, and despite her best efforts she can't ever do anything that will please us, our parents especially. And I wish more than anything else in the whole entire world that I could show her that I love her and really do care about her, but it's hard with the way she acts sometimes. My second sister and I are close. She's mainly what I think of when I hear the word "family."

I think this is so true of only her because she's the only one who has fun. My parents never want to do anything too obscure or exciting, and maybe that's okay with me. But my other sister has been brought down by them so much because they've been brought down by her due to the dreaded "m" word. And I hate it, because it's pulled all of us apart and made everyone's life harder. And I feel like we all know that, but nobody's willing to forgive or even forget, so it continues to make our lives miserable. It's become at least a weekly ritual to have a yelling fest around some arbitrary spot of our house, and afterwords no one is even the slightest bit hopeful about anything anymore. So how on earth are my sisters supposed to move on with their lives when they have nothing encouraging them through the already tough times they're about to embark on in life?

And it's not that my family is entirely awful and dreadful to be around, but they don't give you a reason to want to stick around. There's nothing special or magical about us as a family like there is with other families I know. And maybe it's all of my teen angst that's causing me to be spilling all of this out right now, but I don't think I'm being angsty when I say that people, my family especially, need to look on the bright side. Take a chill pill. Stop worrying about everything for one freakin' day in your life and at least remember what it's like to be happy.

I wish that so many things were different.

I wish that people in Africa didn't have to starve and live in inhumane conditions.

I wish that people running big businesses would stop worrying about stupid things like how big their annual bonuses will be based on how much they rip people off.

I wish that animals didn't have to be cooped up in zoos for their entire lives.

I wish that the people who sit beside you in chemistry making stupid comments the whole time would just shut up for once and listen.

I wish that people who wanted to do awesome things could do awesome things instead of being laughed at and shoved aside.

I wish that I could live in a family that's like the one I want to have someday.

See you soon,

Laura

Unsexy: see above.

Sexy: having wonderful pseudo families. (see below)