Expectations.

Life is not going the way I was hoping it would be.

But when does it?

Christmas is here, but I'm still not really sure if I'm ready for it. Christmas is never a really big event at our house because we don't have a lot of family that lives close by to celebrate with, so my family always just celebrates by ourselves. Which is fine, it really is. It just feels like it's increasingly not special, the way it's supposed to be. We don't really exchange gifts anymore and it's become sort of more like any other day, just with a better dinner and an increased number of excuses for being lazy for the day. And now that we have no church to be attending on Christmas Eve, it takes that much more meaning out of the holiday for me. I feel like this year is good, but at the same time it's just not. I'm not ready to face the holidays with no church, and I wish more than anything that I at least had a storybook family to celebrate with, but I never have and this year won't be an exception.

My sister and I went shopping for gifts for the rest of my family in an attempt to bring back some of the magic of Christmas, so maybe that will help a bit. We bought small individual gifts for everyone and a big gift (that was mostly motivated by our wanting it) for the whole family. I won't give it away incase I have some unknown readers of this blog! :)

Then there's my persona issues. I have a boyfriend, and I'm not quite sure what to do with him.

Literally.

I haven't really talked to him in about a month now. Which is not a happy thing to have lived through and continue to see no improvement on the matter. I feel like I need to instigate something and just talk to this kid, but I honestly have no idea how to go about doing that best. I have plenty of ideas, but the chances of any of those ideas turning into actions are pretty unlikely. Which is unfortunate for me because I haven't been able to shut myself up about the matter for goodness knows how long. It's been the best and worst 2 months of my life all at once.

So that's where I'm at. Awesome.

Sexy: Ugly people that have good, wholesome personalities.

Unsexy: Mall traffic.